Today’s Author is a blog designed to help get you off the couch and back to writing.
The rules are simple:
- List ten things you resolve NOT to do in the upcoming year.
- Be as creative as possible.
To get this thing rolling, here are…
My 2014 New Year’s Anti-Resolutions
- I will NOT leave scores of opened cans of tuna around my apartment building hoping to attract feral cats to serve as my army of evil minions.
- I will NOT try to convince my kids that the manna referred to in the bible is actually cranberry sauce.
- I will NOT refer to my collection of fountain pens as my preciouses when we have people over.
- I will NOT attempt to experiment on the scientifically illiterate by professing the theory that the sense of smell is an illusion and the invention of the government.
- I will NOT amuse myself at cocktail parties by asking the males whether they have six fingers on their right hand.
- I will NOT try to advance my career by getting co-workers to refer to me as Red Five.
- I will NOT stop in my quest to change grammatical standards to mandate that punctuation go after the closing quotation ONLY when it makes mathematical sense.
- I will NOT, on the occasion of my 42nd Birthday, celebrate by walking around in a bathrobe and claiming to be the second coming of Arthur Dent.
- I will NOT do what the cans of Red Bull tell me to.
- I will NOT attempt to thwart the NSA by resurrecting my disastrous plans for the Analog Cell Phone.