Today’s Author is a new blog designed to help get you off the couch and back to writing.
The rules are simple:
- List ten things you resolve NOT to do in the upcoming year.
- Be as creative as possible.
To get this thing rolling, here are…
My 2013 New Year’s Anti-Resolutions
- I will NOT introduce myself to potential employers as prisoner 24601.
- I will NOT attempt to organize the Squirrels around my apartment into a guerilla force to intimidate the woodpeckers around the next building–no matter how cute they would look in fatigues.
- I will NOT try to capitalize off the newly-confirmed existence of the Higgs-Boson particle claiming that I coined the term God Particle.
- I will NOT attend climate change conferences in an attempt to promote my idea to fight the coming flood by creating a new continent entirely out of kitchen sponges.
- I will NOT make lunches in the cafeteria more interesting by pretending I am following orders from my Kindle.
- I will not greet new people I meet by asking them their name, quest and favorite color.
- I will NOT fill my fountain pen with dark red blood and insist that whenever I enter into agreement we each sign the contract in blood.
- I will NOT lobby the new Governor to make Cthulhu’s birthday a state holiday.
- I will NOT force my cats to wear the little tin foil hats I made for them, so that the government can’t read their thoughts.
- I will NOT retaliate against the constant thumping caused by the two small girls upstairs, by practicing with my drum kit, which is directly beneath their beds, at 2 am–no matter how much I really want to.