My 2013 Anti-Resolutions
Written based on the Today’s Author Write Now! prompt on January 1, 2013, in which we are asked to creatively list ten things we will not do in the coming year.
Today’s Author is a new blog designed to help get you off the couch and back to writing.
The rules are simple:
- List ten things you resolve NOT to do in the upcoming year.
- Be as creative as possible.
To get this thing rolling, here are…
My 2013 New Year’s Anti-Resolutions
- I will NOT introduce myself to potential employers as prisoner 24601.
- I will NOT attempt to organize the Squirrels around my apartment into a guerilla force to intimidate the woodpeckers around the next building–no matter how cute they would look in fatigues.
- I will NOT try to capitalize off the newly-confirmed existence of the Higgs-Boson particle claiming that I coined the term God Particle.
- I will NOT attend climate change conferences in an attempt to promote my idea to fight the coming flood by creating a new continent entirely out of kitchen sponges.
- I will NOT make lunches in the cafeteria more interesting by pretending I am following orders from my Kindle.
- I will not greet new people I meet by asking them their name, quest and favorite color.
- I will NOT fill my fountain pen with dark red blood and insist that whenever I enter into agreement we each sign the contract in blood.
- I will NOT lobby the new Governor to make Cthulhu’s birthday a state holiday.
- I will NOT force my cats to wear the little tin foil hats I made for them, so that the government can’t read their thoughts.
- I will NOT retaliate against the constant thumping caused by the two small girls upstairs, by practicing with my drum kit, which is directly beneath their beds, at 2 am–no matter how much I really want to.